


Politics Is The New Religion

by glorp



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Gen, Homestuck - Freeform, SBURB, everyone will die at least once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23676301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glorp/pseuds/glorp
Summary: The extremists play a game and become gods.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the outline for this on 4/13 so it's the thought that counts

\- - authoritarianRight started pestering libertarianRight at 1:48 - -

AR: hey ancap

LR: What do you want Nazi

AR: I found a resource on my planet that I think you’d be interested in

LR: Wdym

AR: come pick me up and I’ll show you

LR: Why cant you just tell me what it is?

AR: because I’m stuck on my planet

AR: and you have a jetpack

LR: Only because my choppy got destroyed :(

LR: Ugh

LR: Fine

LR: Then don’t expect me to pay you anything for it since i’m coming to your rescue

AR: great

AR: don’t forget a mask or you’ll choke to death

LR: K 

LR: See you on LOLFAG

AR: don't call it that

LR: Lol

LR: Fag

AR: shut the fuck up

\- - libertarianRight is now an idle chum - -

Ancap grabs a spare mask Nazi had left on his planet a while back. Before putting it on, he heads to the alchemiter. He grabs a spare pair of sunglasses before combining them into a much more fashionable gas mask. He throws on his jetpack and makes his way to the Land of Listless Fog and Gas.

The planet looks like a mini grey gas giant, but he guesses it has a surface on it somewhere if Nazi was there. As he comes closer to the mucky atmosphere, he notices red and blue flashing lights trying to shine their way through the fog. He follows them and can soon hear a siren to accompany the lights.

As he approaches LOLFAG’s surface, he sees Nazi donning a WWI era gas mask next to a crashed police car. The authoritarian gestures for him to come over and points upwards. Ancap picks up Nazi before jetting away from the sirens on the dead and dreary planet. Nazi squirms and kicks his legs a bit before getting used to being in the air.

Once they leave the planet’s atmosphere, Nazi throws off his gas mask and takes a breath of fresh air. After that, he looks back at Ancap.

“Do you mind not hoisting me up by the fucking armpits next time?” 

“You know, I could drop you if I really wanted to.”

“As if, I’m essential to the session.” He brags.

“According to…?”

“Commie.”

Ancap scoffs. “Who cares? I don’t get why you’re letting him act like he’s our leader like some cuck.”

“Hey, I am not a cuck!” An offended Nazi argues as Ancap’s planet, the Land of Glimmer and Gold, comes into view.

“Of course you aren’t a cuck, you don’t even have a wife!” Ancap laughs snobbishly as he heads to his penthouse suite before slowly coming down for a landing, placing the blue ideology among a golden atmosphere. Nazi thinks it looks like Donald Trump's apartment, but classier (aside from the mess of Ancap's alchemic creations and the lines of cocaine left out on the coffee table).

“Now,” he starts as he lowers himself to the ground and puts his jetpack back into his inventory. “What do you have for me?”

Nazi searches through his sylladex before a green rock pops out of it, falling onto the floor.

Ancap raises his eyebrows. “Is that...”

“Uranium.” The smugness in Nazi’s voice was apparent. 

Ancap picks it up and takes off his glasses to closer examine it.

“Holy shit... you know what we have to do.”

With the element, some proper equipment, and an empty container of McDonald’s fries, the rightists create the glorious McNuke.

Now that he had the code for Uranium, Ancap goes wild, making himself a Nuke Launcher with a bunch of mini nukes to go along with it.

“If I’m gonna sit here and get radiation poisoning can we at least craft some guns?” Nazi asks.

Ancap piles another nuke onto his arsenal. “Hm... I guess my stockpile could use some more guns since we’re alright on bombs for now.”

The rightists create a plethora of guns together. Ancap creates the most absolute degenerate trash Nazi had ever seen by combining his hentai with one of them to make the Aheaglock. 

Nazi shudders in disgust at the images of loli girls with their tongues out and eyes rolling back. "Degenerate." 

"Yes. But hot as hell." The right anarchist says as he equips his pornographic weapon.

"Oh no, do you miss your eight child wives?" Nazi asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

"Of course I do! I paid full price for them and now they're all fucking dead!" He looks off into the distance sadly as he wipes a single tear from under his glasses.

Nazi rolls his eyes at the obvious display of emotion. "Don't get so worked up over it, everyone else on the planet died. Now come on, let's test these out."  
Nazi grabs his Walther P38. He admires the way the weapon looks in his hand before grabbing another assault rifle from the pile of guns and slipping it into his inventory. 

"Alright, let's farm some Grist so I can harvest more Boon."

Nazi doesn't get why Ancap cares so much about in game currency since it's so easy to acquire, but is always down for a good old fashioned murder spree. 

* * *

“Thank you for gathering the frogs, Anarkiddie.”

The anarchist pouts. “Why did _I_ have to be the one to do it?”

“You’re the one who has the best chance at finding the frogs we need to breed because you are a hope player.”

“What the hell does that have to do with frogs?” Quey ask.

“You have the power to inspire others. The most desirable frogs will be drawn to you, as they are our best hope in creating the new universe.”

“Can’t Ancap or Nazi do it?”

“It wouldn’t be wise to trust a Prince in this process, despite his aspect.” Commie picks up a frog. “And trusting a Thief of Life with this task would be one of the stupidest ways to kill our session. And I don’t want to work with that kulak more than I already have to.”

Tankie always talked about these things. Hearing him talk about why they have to follow his directions so precisely or the session would be doomed to failure was almost as bad as him trying to lecture Ancom on statist theory.

“This is why you will have to do the ectobiology.”

“What the fuck is ectobiology?”

“That is not for you to worry about right now, Ancom.” Tankie picks up another frog. “If we are here right now, it means you will succeed.”

‘What the fuck does that even _mean_?’ Quey think as quey notice a small teal frog hop onto queir boot. Ancom was able to craft quemselves some steel toed boots to assist in fast bashing, along with upgrading his usual bat so it was covered in spikes.

The frog croaks and looks up at Ancom, who stares back at it blankly. Quey wish quey were high right now.

“Why do you keep saying weird vague shit like that?”

“As a seer, I understand my aspect and the rules of the game to the best of my extent.”

“What? So your power is being a know-it-all?” Ancom asks sarcastically. “You were already one before we started playing this stupid game.”

Commie chooses to ignore his comrade’s sas and continues on about the frog breeding process. 

Ancom had tired quemselves out from beating up those fascist enemies on his planet and was tired, plus the Land of Gulags and Frogs made him feel uncomfortable on top of Commie’s lecturing.

Quey lays down on the ground and sighs before rolling onto queir side.

“Fuck this, I’m taking a nap.”

“Ancom-“

Quey pull queir hood over queir head, ignoring Tankie as quey drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember how the order of things are supposed to go in a SBURB session, but this is a niche crossover fanfic between Homestuck and personifications of political ideologies so in reality nobody should give a fuck about technical inconsistencies 
> 
> also no HTML we read our pesterlogs like men


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Anarchists use and abuse drugs on Derse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for some hard drugs and unhealthy decisions from everybody's favorite anarchists!
> 
> (this chapter is drug abuse with plot)

Ancom had spent a decent amount of time on Derse, considering quey sleep from around three in the morning till one in the afternoon. Quey like to drop acid and fly around the planet to pass the time. They were some of the best trips quey had ever been on, the ability to fly and purple scenery made all the more enjoyable. That wouldn’t do right now, though. The anarchist craved more than that after being subjected to Commie’s rambling for so long.

Ancap hops out of queir dream room’s window and flies towards the neighboring tower. Queir sobriety makes them want to get as high as possible. Quey could always count on the right anarchist for that.

It was much rarer to see Ancap on Derse. Always working, always awake. He rarely slept, but when he did he was alright with his fellow anarchist’s company. They’d usually get stupidly high together and enjoy a break from the world SBURB had destroyed and the ones it created and thrusted then into.

The leftist approaches Ancom’s purple penthouse suite, landing on the balcony.

“Ancap, you up?” Quey nearly screech in queir irritatingly high voice.

Ancom peers into the bedroom, seeing queir fellow anarchist leaning over the coffee table as his head slides across it. He shakes his head before turning to the leftist. He holds one of his nostrils shut as he inhales.

“I’ve been up.”

“Figures.” Quey remark, walking into Ancap’s room and sitting on the couch next to the coffee table.

“So... were you able to craft it?”

“Of course I was able to craft it!” Ancap gets up to grab a needle. He picks it up and examines its contents. “Uncut. So be careful.”

Ancap flicks the needle before passing it to Ancom.

“Aw yeah gimme that dope.”

“Don’t do too much at once.” He warns as the communist examines it.

Quey roll queir eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do. What are you, a statist?” Quey taunt before sticking the needle into their arm.

Ancap sighs and turns around, preparing another line.

“Can I have a bump of that while I wait for the high to kick in?”

“Not for free, you little drug fiend.”

Ancom grumbles to quemself as quey rummage through queir pockets. The anarchists usually traded when it came to their drug fueled exchanges. Ancom never had money and Ancap was happy to cut out the middle man and get straight to the drugs. Or if quey had given him any weird shit, he’d become the middle man and sell them off at much too high a price.

Ancom finds a sandwich bag filled with a couple of white bars.

“Xanax work?”

Ancap begrudgingly takes it.

“You know, I’m only accepting this to be nice.”

“Is it really nice if you have to announce how nice you are for doing it?”

“Of course it is!”

He turns back to the table to attend to his powder.

After preparing another line for his other nostril, he unclips a gold chain from his neck to reveal a small golden spoon to match. He passed that and the bag of coke to Ancom.

Ancom didn’t get why Ancap even did lines when he could just keep spooning drugs into his system like this. Ancom was always more of a fan of key bumps, but the spoon makes for a convenient accessory. Quey even out queir nostrils and sit on Ancap’s bed as quey watch him make the line thinner with a razor blade before snorting yet again.

This was nice.

Ancom’s pupils shrink as the morphine starts to take effect. He lays down on Ancap’s bed and looks up at the purple ceiling. Usually quey had a firm distaste for the capitalist’s frivolous style, but staring at the ceiling made quem admire the attention to detail Ancap puts into his decor. The custom ceiling tiles compliment the crown molding so well, and they look even nicer in a purple tint than in his usual gold room in queir opinion.

‘How long have I been staring at the ceiling?’ Quey think. Quey look over and see the syringe.

Like a zombie, Ancom grabs the needle again and shoots the rest of the vile into queir bloodstream. This high feels like the greatest thing in the world, the thing quey had been chasing for queir entire existence. Ancom smiled and let quemself surrender to the rush as the coke wears off. 

* * *

Ancap takes another line. Fuck, how many had he taken? What matters is that he still has a decent amount left in his bag so he could . He was thankful Ancom was doing queir own thing, giggling and looking up at the ceiling. Though it had been a while since he heard anything from quem.

“How ya doing?”

No response.

“Ancom?”

Quey don’t move.

“Ancom, come on, show some sort of consciousness here.” Ancap incisively snaps his fingers in the leftist’s face to wake him up.

Quey dont react. No movement, no blinking. Queir eyes stayed open, green irises and pinpoint pupils staring up at nothing.

Overtaken by queir own quest for euphoria, Ancom had gone too far. Quey were so high, but had flown too close to the sun to chase that high.

Ancap picks up one of queir arms by the sleeve of queir hoodie. It drops. Dead weight.

He looks down at the fresh corpse with more disgust than pity. The free market enthusiast calls a couple of pawns into the room to drag Ancom’s body away.

“Well, thank god that wasn’t me.” He says, counting on his values of self preservation first and foremost to help him survive. He would never do heroin, oxycodone is a cleaner and safer opiate anyway. He isn’t some idiot junkie like that wrong anarchist.

It wasn’t too big of a deal anyway, losing a dreamself doesn’t mean you’re dead for good. Ancom would wake up alive and well.

* * *

Ancom does wake up alive and well. A bit confused to be back in Commie's frog cave instead of Ancap’s dream room, but still alive.

“What the fuck…. urgh.”

Ancom grabs queir phone to pester Ancap to figure out what happened.

\- - libertarianLeft started pestering libertarianRight at 3:54 - - 

LL: wtf happened ln

LR: You don’t remember?

LL: I remembr...

LL: i was hanging out w you around dress and we did sum drugs

LL: yea thats all I know

LR: You died

LL: ???????

LR: Your dreamself* died

LL: wtf

LL: smh what does that evn mean

LR: I don’t fucking know, why don’t you ask Commie to explain it to you since he knows everything

LL: commie wishes he knew everything lol

LL: ok but fr tho jus tell me whats gonna happen

LR: Long story short it means no more Derse for you

LL: WTF

LL: THATS BULLSHIT

LR: Then don’t overdose on H next time

LR: Piece of shit junkie

\- - libertarianRight is now an idle chum - -

Ancom angirly shoved queir phone into queir hoodie pocket. Quey grumble to quemselves before rolling back over to continue queir slumber, not really understanding what had just occurred. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unironic PSA tho dont do any drug related to opium, there are better and less addictive drugs to get into


End file.
